A Video Game Review of Ronald McDonald's Inner Madness
The year is 1993. Surge is making a vital push on American store shelves. Gas costs significantly less than it will. And a forgotten period known as the “console wars” is raging on. In the time since, much digital ink has been spilled on espousing the SEGA Genesis and Super Nintendo Entertainment System, the two mainstage players of the 16-bit era. But this isn’t about which was better or which holds a greater place in history. No no, that’s too simple.
This is about which one had McDonald’s Treasure Land Adventure.
It was the Genesis. McDonald’s Treasure Land Adventure never came out on the Super Nintendo. Now that that’s settled, let’s talk about this wacky platform game where you are a clown on a quest for booty.
Only the power of blast processing could render a night terror this accurately.
Let me tell you about Ronald McDonald and his unquenchable thirst for adventure. This clown gets around. He has quelled an alien war with the power of funk. He has brought civilization to a nightmare island populated exclusively by Grimaces. He has taught a sentient hamburger-man to do the Hustle. All of these things have done nothing to slow Ronald’s search for that next thrill. Whatever is over the next hill, in the next valley — waiting to be chased by a man with abnormally large feet. That is the essence of Ronald McDonald.
And perhaps his greatest adventure (though the alien funk incident certainly merits an argument) is catalogued in this 1993 action platformer from Treasure. The same people who brought red-hot action games like Gunstar Heroes and Mischief Makers are behind the only decent McDonald’s themed product in the company’s history. McRib lovers may not at me.
Here’s the thing: this game is simple. It’s short. But it’s fun. I blasted through the whole thing in a little over an hour. And by the end I had a shocking surplus of lives and continues. It isn’t a challenging romp to be sure, but it is an enjoyable one.
In McDonald’s Treasure Land Adventure, you are placed in control of noted adrenaline-junkie Ronald McDonald, hunting for four pieces of a treasure map that will lead you to… treasure. It isn’t ever explained what the treasure is, I harbor the belief that it is Marsellus Wallace’s soul, but it is clear that Ronald wants it more than life itself. And by whatever gods look down on McDonaldland, he’s going to get it.
Across four treacherous stages, including the requisite “weird-gravity” stage on the moon, Ronald jumps, grapples, and shoots magic powder out of his lethal hands in an attempt to take down the three “bad guys” that also have a piece of the map. What makes these bad guys bad is also never explained. But as they have something Ronald wants, they have found themselves on the same side of ambition that those punks that messed with Dirty Harry were on: the wrong one.
And just like Dirty Harry, Ronald McDonald is out for blood.
The long and short of it is that McDonald’s Treasure Land Adventure is a wonderful little game. It’s got an incredibly rich color palette to its well-animated sprites and backgrounds. It’s got some varied character designs that feel in-line with the rest of the McDonaldland characters, if you care about such a thing. And it’s music is full of great chiptune tracks that I’ve imported into my personal music library. If you’ve got an hour to spare, give it a play. You won’t regret it.
But anyone that comes across Ronald’s path will.